ONCE UPON A TIME

When Joseph and I were dating, we used to cut pictures out of magazines and write stories for each other using those images. I know this is a process with which some of you are very familiar.
Recently he made a silly little story using some photos my sister took at our wedding. So its kind of cheating because technically I didn't write this... but I thought I'd share it anyway.

Once Upon a Time...

Tearese and Joseph sat down one day to eat lunch.

But when Tearese looked in her lunchbox, she was shocked!

“What is THIS in my lunch?” She asked in slight fear, for she had never seen a purple squiggly in a box before!

“Oh,” said Joseph, “It’s probably something yummy for your sandwich.”
So, Tearese put it in her sandwich and began to eat.

But something wasn’t quite right...

Tearese turned to the person across the aisle and said, “I don’t think the purple squiggles are supposed to go in the sandwich.”

And she was right, but Joseph never heard the conversation, so he was happy to eat the squiggles.

Later, Tearese showed off how easily she could make Joseph do whatever she wanted him to do.

“See! He even lets me put his hand on this hot glass in front of the fireplace and he still smiles!”


Tearese’s family looked on at this in amazement. That is, except for Thain.

“That’s nothin’! Wait ‘til you see what Maryanne can make me do!” (Maryanne is Thain's girlfriend.) Thorin, who overheard this took in the whole situation and his brother’s words with a deep sense of awe and fear.

“Will I be like that too?” He wondered.

Meanwhile, Tearese and Joseph took advantage of the distraction and hid so that they could be alone.

“SHH!!!” Tearese whispered, “They’ll never find us here!”

“Do you think we can live forever here in this little bitty forest?” Joseph asked.

“No,” Tearese replied. “If my uncle moves, we’ll be stuck here forever or be tossed out on the streets.”

So Tearese and Joseph took off to Happily Ever After Land, just north of
Never-Never Land, and lived happily ever after.

The End

(it could have been a bit longer, and been more involved but I guess he was doing this at work! Hope you had fun.)

Many Happy Returns

First of all, I hate the idea of returning presents. Someone spent a great deal of thought (usually) and time trying to find you something they thought you would love. Even if I recieve a sweater with puff-paint and cute cuddly bears on it, I will at least wear it on one or two weekends when no one will see me, and I'd wait at least a year before taking it to D.I. (I hated that sweater, but hey, it was from my aunt, right?) Never would I just return it.
Nevertheless, I just spent two or more hours at our country's most popular mega-store, Wal-Mart, returning a pair of jeans that I recieved from my husband for Christmas. I felt it was justified because he was returning a sweater I bought him, and we vowed we were going to get the exact same thing, just in sizes more suitable to our body types. Unfortunately, the jeans I had did NOT come in Talls in any other size. Sure, all tall people must be a size eight, right?Or at least we must enjoy only tapered jeans that look incredibly awkward on tall people. Goodness knows, only short dumpy people wear a size 14, right? But I'll save that rant for another time. Fortunately, I found my size in another style that didn't look too bad on me.
Of course, Joseph's sweater was no longer being sold there either, and we had to settle for an alternative style. But all worked out in the end, because we came out $1.50 ahead.
Yay!
What I couldn't believe was the incredibly long line for the return counter, stretching back into the far reaches of the cavernous building. We had thought maybe if we waited a week, it might not be so daunting. And you know these people weren't returning things because they were the wrong size. Everyone's cart seemed as if it must be carrying all the presents they had recieved the week before, including stereo systems, cameras, clothes, movies, and everything else under the sun that Wal-Mart sells at a bargain price. I felt embarassed to be a part of that ungrateful crowd, but I kept reminding myself that our situation really was different, right? While I was there, I had the oportunity to muse over some of the truths that always surround a Wal-mart.

1. Why does everyone dress like white trash when they go to Wal-Mart? I always find myself thinking that of the other people walking past me, only to look down and jump in startlement when I realize I'm wearing sweatpants, a big shirt, no makeup, and my hair is either not done or in a pony tail.
2. Why is Wal-mart always crowded? No matter what town you're in, no matter what time of day, the parkinglot is always full, and the interior situation is somewhat akin to a large ant farm. Seriously, our store is a 24hr facility: Joseph has stopped by after work, at nearly midnight, and found the same claustrophobic conditions as one would find at noon on a Saturday.
3. The aisles are always too narrow. In trying to cram as many consumer goods as possible into the home of low prices, Wal-mart has left much to be desired in its decore. What ever happened to customer satisfaction...which, by the way, they were rated one of the lowest in the nation in that respect.
4. Why does everyone always talk about how evil Wal-Mart is, and yet these same people shop there? I admit I fit into this group. There are two Wal-marts within driving distance of us right now: one is a Super Wal-Mart and the other is open 24/7. We recently learned they are building a third store even closer to us within the year. My initial reaction was disgust at the monopolistic spread of the giant, yet I also mused on how much easier it will be to go grab some last minute things at the new store. I hang my head in shame.

(the true nature of the Wal-Mart smiley face?)

5. In relation to the aforementioned evils: why do people complain about the low wages Wal-mart employees get? Yes, I know all about the bum deal they have with low wages and bad benefits, but the truth of the matter is, a lot of the people who work at Wal-mart maybe couldn't get a job somewhere else, and are happy with what they have. And those that could work elsewhere, well, why don't they? I know its not that simple, but its something to think about.

6. Wal-mart puts other stores out of business. I definitely believe this. We used to always shop at K-mart before the Wal-mart came to my home town. The last time I ever went there, it was like a ghost town in comparison. And its gone now, isn't it? In bigger towns like the one I live in now I don't think its quite as big of a problem, but still. Where's the customer loyalty?

Anyway, I'm sure there are many more things I could say, but thats enough for now. Has anyone else noted anything that seems to always surround the legend that is Wal-mart?