Baby drawings

Ah, the first 'official' drawing of Joshua J. Does it look like him? I think it does, a little bit. It has his sticky-out ears, and long sloping head. And at least it looks like a baby.

Babies are kind of hard to draw, at least for me. You either end up with the stereotypical baby that looks like every baby, or it looks way too old to be an infant.

Maybe its because infant faces just don't have many sharp angles and features to grab onto and explore in a drawing. Joshua has big brown eyes....I think I got the big and brown parts right, but I hate when I do that weird droopy eye thing. Like on his right eye (on your left) pictured here.

It happens because I get excited about making the eyes big and wide open, then forget that the bottom of the eye lid really needs to cover that a little bit. But not too much or he'll be squinty. Its a fine balance. The other eye looks pretty good though, right?

Funny....it almost resembles my brother Thain a little more than it does Joshua....see?

(He's the little guy on the right.) But then, we've already established (over Christmas) that he and Joshua were long-lost twins. Except for the big gouge in Thain's forehead.
So I guess that means it does look like Joshua! Good job, me.

Oh. And since you were wondering, yes my hair always has that disheveled look. I think there is a defunct hair gland situated just at my temples, rendering every hair that grows at that point slightly handicapped. Seriously, look at this:

This was my Sterling Scholar picture my senior year in high school. That means this picture, along with those of 12 other people, would be on display in the hallway at the school for a year. I did do my hair, really. I even borrowed someones curling iron in the bathroom before we got them taken. Not that you could tell.

And eight years later, I still had the same problem:


Though I'm sure Joseph appreciated the extra head cover in that cold Seattle December! (Kidding, kidding. Don't kill me, honey.) Hehe.

Jane Austen

So, this Jane Austen quiz was on Heidi's blog. Those of you that are big Austen fans might enjoy it. It said I was:

Take the Quiz here!

You are Elinor Dashwood of Sense & Sensibility! You are practical, circumspect, and discreet. Though you are tremendously sensible and allow your head to rule, you have a deep, emotional side that few people often see.

Where is my money?

My camera is dying. Sad, but true. We bought it just under two years ago, and it has served its purpose well. Well, at least for the price we paid for it. Sometimes I miss my film SLR..which, incidentally, I still have but I never use.

While I would have liked a better camera some time ago, I have been practical and content with the one I have. But now, it has issues. Like when I was trying to take these pictures of Elora's new dress from Grandma. I had to turn on the camera three different times before the lens came all the way out, and then it was out of focus still so I had to restart it again.

The shutter speed has always been super slow (this is the most important feature to me on a new camera) but now it is maddeningly snail-paced at times. The lag time between taking pictures is too long as well.

I'm assuming that most of the problems with it are due to Elora forcing open the lens cover and sticking her finger in the lens repeatedly, but more likely they purposely manufactured the camera to fail so the consumer (me) would have to buy a new version.

While I am happy at the prospect of a new and better camera, I still have to face the fact that we are exceedingly poor students. My first plan was to win one of the contests at Pioneer Woman, where I could get a $500 dollar gift certificate for a new camera if I named one of her photos. But seeing as there are usually about 3000 entries, I figured my chances are slim in that endeavor. Yet the tax season looming before me has given me hope!

Just as I have always loved taking tests, I have learned to love doing my taxes. I know, I'm a psycho. Granted our taxes are pretty simple, as we don't have any assets or anything, but I love knowing that I figured it out myself. Well...sometimes I ask Cardine for a few tips. I also love that so far, we always get a return. Yippee! New camera for me! (and rent for the summer when we don't have student aid...)

And just like every year, I am now impatiently waiting for our W-2's to get here. I hate waiting for my W-2s.

Still Life

When I was much younger than today, I thought I wanted to work as a fantasy illustrator, doing book covers and Dungeons and Dragons illustrations. (I've only played the game once and didn't much care for it; the artwork was what I liked.)

I was always drawing dragons, girls and guys with swords, wizards, elves and other such stuff. I fancied that I was pretty good. When I got to high school and started taking tons of art classes, my view began to change. I became much less impressed with the book covers I used to admire, and soon developed what you might call a more refined taste in art.

True, I still fancied myself as a fantasy artist for a time. But as I attended art competitions with surrounding high schools, I found that I excelled at still lifes and landscapes. There was a yearly fantasy art contest too, but I never won a prize there until my senior year...and it was only a second place prize at that.

Now a days, I must admit I view most book cover art with distain..I suppose that is the price you pay for an education in art. And while previous posts have shown that I still dabble in fantasy-esque illustration, I have to say that I am the most proud of my pieces that stray far from that genre of art work.

For instance, while I was still single living in Seattle, I did a fun piece portraying our kitchen chairs. They were set up in the living room for a party my roommates and I were going to have, and the light hitting them from the nearby window struck me as quite beautiful.

Now, I had a hard time trying to get a good photo of this drawing (its too big for my scanner) so I will post the two best photos so you get a better idea of what it looks like:






What I like about this picture: the chairs of course! my favorites are the short chair in the center (the colors turned out really nice) and the seat just a bit closer to the viewer. I also admired the green backs of the taller chairs. Incidentally, when I got married someone gave us this same set for our kitchen.

What I don't like about this picture: the background, the green back of the closest metal frame, and the carpet. I didn't plan it out well, and hurried through it too fast. Things are spaced out poorly, the window looks really fake, and because its the brightest thing in the drawing, it draws all the attention to its imperfections. In the original setting, there was a couch in front of the window, but I took it out for aesthetic reasons.

We had stucco walls, and I didn't have the patience to figure out how to portray that on this texture of paper. I didn't like the pictures that were on the walls so I drew different ones, and its painfully obvious that they aren't real. If I were to somehow to re-do the background, this would be a fine piece.

Anyways, these are the kind of still lifes I like: portrayals of everyday things in a beautiful way. Oh yeah, paintings of industrial stuff ( gears, pipes, train yards) have a soft spot in my heart as well.

See... these were two of my favorite pieces in the last competition they had in my artist magazine:

Mickie Acierno: Number Thirty-five



Antonio Masi: Willie B.

I like these on so many levels. The first one: obviously the portrayal of light and the realism is awesome. But then there are the glowing colors, the use of repetition (notice how the orange peel is curling in the same shape as the number below it), use of the golden mein, and the overall composition. And lets face it, I'm a sucker for the color orange. However, there was another portrayal of oranges in the same issue, and I wasn't interested in that one much at all.

The second one: industrial landscapes are just...cool. Some people find them ugly, but I could stare at stuff like this for hours. There is a sense of mystery, foreboding, adventure. The composition is very nice too; excellent use of the golden mein.

If you want to see more of the stuff from this competition, head over to the Artists Magazine.
And I guess that is our art lesson for today!

Little Miss Attitude

So I have this two year old. Sometimes she's sweet, and cute, and funny. But lately she has taken to being very obnoxious.
I suppose you could attribute it to the "terrible twos", whatever that is.

The last few months, she has taken to arguing with me about everything. Like, she will start mispronouncing words she has always said right, and she will argue with me about how to say it! For instance, her new thing is to drop the "s" sound off of any word. I think she thinks it only has an 's' if its plural. So, instead of saying "cheese" she will say, " I want some "Chee".

When I correct her- "Elora, say cheese"- she'll look at me like I'm stupid and say , "No, its cheeee, mom."
Or the other night, "Elora, 'ba' isn't a word, its pronounced, "bath". Now say it right, like you used to.."bath".
"No, listen mom. Say baaaa."

She also loves to strip off her clothes to go au natural. She's done this before, but I used to be able to put her clothes back on her and she'd leave them for a while. Now a days, she claws and fights and strips again, claiming that she's sweaty, and she doesn't want underwear. Augh!

And ever since she's been able to sit at the table with us for meals (Joshua is in her highchair) she refuses to stay put. Even when we have something we know she loves, she jumps up from the table and goes to turn the tv on in the living room. We end up bringing her back to her chair repeatedly. She will insist on using her fingers even though she's been able to use silverwear since she was 16 months old, and in the end she will only eat if we feed her every bite ourselves.

Her being sick this week has made everything even worse. She used to always ask to take naps; she was to a point where she could go in and use the bathroom by herself. Now she is fighting me about everything.

The other night I was trying to get her to go potty before bed...actually, she asked to get up and go because she thought she could trick me into letting her go back into the living room instead of to bed.

As she played around on the toilet, I grew increasingly impatient and started threatening various things if she didn't hurry up. With each thing I said, she would make a face at me, like she was imitating and mocking me. Then she adopted a big, fake, snotty smile. In a sweet little voice she stated, "My don't like you."

I kind of laughed a shocked little laugh and said, "What?" She repeated sweetly, "My don't like you mommy."

It soon became evident that she didn't have to go to the bathroom after all, and I took her kicking and screaming back to her room (again, she used to like bedtime!).

I honestly didn't expect to have to deal with the "I don't like you" thing 'till she was at least seven or eight. I just hope my patience can last through her high school years!

Frustration, Fear, and Sickness

As I mentioned in my last post, we have had some illness floating around our household this week. I have been moderately ill with a sore throat and stuffy nose, Elora was pretty sick for a few days but then sprang back remarkably. Joseph took the whole week off of work to deal with his maladies (but then, men can be babies about these things) and poor little Joshua was hit the worst of all.

He has a cough, stuffy nose, goopy eyes and all that, but his little baby body doesn't deal with it so well. Early in the week, he stopped eating babyfood or other solids. Then he started to pull off frequently during nursing. Then around Wednesday...he stopped nursing. This is a big thing, folks. He won't drink out of a bottle, and can drink a little out of a sippy cup but not that well.

Wednesday we took him to the doctor to make sure he didn't have Bronchitis or Pneumonia, as his chest was a little rattly. He didn't (thankfully) but the doctor wanted us to check his diapers and call her back the next day. She also told us to give him Nebulizer treatments with the machine Elora got when she was sick as an infant. (this helps open up the bronchial tubes so you can breathe better.) As expected, the next morning his diapers showed he was getting dehydrated and she had me bring him in for another check.

She did that thing where they test your oxygen levels through a clamp on the finger. It took a few tries, but it appeared that his levels were getting pretty low. He was lethargic and kept falling asleep while we sat there, and she said it appeared he was using all his energy to just breathe. Out of nowhere, she said she thought he should be admitted to the hospital for fluids and oxygen!

I'm sure she saw the shock on my face...I clearly wasn't expecting that. I asked if we could just do something at home. She said if his O2 levels were higher she'd just send me home with some Pedialyte, but she really felt he needed some help. Since he's covered by Medicaid, she suggested I could take him through the Emergency room and they would re-evaluate him before actually admitting him. I was dying with shock still, and she left for a moment so I could call Joseph at home.

I hate taking advantage of Government money (I'm not being sarcastic, I really do feel guilty) but I decided to take the ER route in hopes they would send me home. It was just next door so I walked him over. In typical ER fashion we were there forever waiting between things. They checked him for RSV with a thing they stuck in his nose, they did a chest x-ray by clamping him into what looked like a torture device, they checked his oxygen.They even did a rectal thermometer, instead of one of those new-fangled ear or forehead ones. My poor little boy just watched me the whole time, his little lip quivering and his face filled with misery. It was especially sad because he's the happiest baby I know, normally.

After a long wait a young doctor came in; he seemed around my age. He said something about how my doctor had made it sound worse than it was, and their machine had shown his oxygen levels were fine. Even though this was what I wanted him to say, for some reason I disliked him for trivializing what my doctor had told him, and for not being concerned.

He asked if there was anything else, and I mentioned the dehydration thing. "Oh, is he not eating?" He asked, mildly concerned. I was very annoyed at this point, because I had been sitting there listening while my doctor told him that very thing over the phone. Then he kept asking about what kind of juice I had for him, and if he'd drink juice, etc, etc, as he ignored the fact that I kept telling him Joshua was breast-fed and he'd never had juice in his life.

They said they were going to bring him something just to make sure he'd drink when he got home. I sat and waited for another gazillion years, then they finally brought this frozen desert thing that they'd thawed in the microwave. I expected it to be some kind of medical grade drink or something, but when I read the label, I saw it was basically a frozen orange snack you could buy anywhere.

He ate a few spoonfuls then grew tired of it, but they decided that was good enough and eventually let me go home. We bought him some Pedialyte which he seemed to like at first. Everytime he woke up thirsty that night I'd offer him the cup and he'd guzzle it for a few seconds before falling asleep.

The next morning (is this story getting too long?) he didn't want the drink anymore! He actually spit some of it up; I think it was too sweet for him. I had been trying to pump milk for him, but I've always been pretty bad at that...it would take me a whole day to get a four ounce bottle for Elora, and that was when I had her eating on the other side to help the milk let down. He was happy to drink the little milk I had been able to get, at least through a dropper, but it wasn't all that much.

Needless to say (well, needless for those of you who know all about nursing) I had been painfully engorged for a few days by this point, and I was terrified of loosing my milk.

And this probably sounds stupid to some of you, but this is the most horrible thing about this whole week. What if my baby can't nurse anymore? True, he is old enough to eat solids, and I know formula is fine for him, but something inside me rebels at the thought of weaning my little guy so early and so abruptly. Its almost the same feeling as when they wanted me to have a c-section (with both babies).

A friend lent me her nice electric pump Friday night. It was great to help relieve the engorgement, but it may have been a little too late. Since then, I've not been "full" again, nor have I been able to get more than half an ounce, if that. I keep trying to nurse Joshua, but he acts like he doesn't even know what it is! Its not that he can't breath when he's nursing (which happened to Elora once) its like he just doesn't want anything to do with it; he turns his head away and clenches his mouth shut.

I'm telling you, this feels like rejection at the deepest level. We broke down and brought a container of formula last night (Saturday) because I was so worried about my baby being malnourished. (Like those vegetarians who fed their newborn Soymilk until it died.)

He doesn't like it at all, but we were able to force a little down him with the dropper...he still doesn't want to drink out of the bottles we have. Last night he seemed to be improving in health a little bit: he was sitting up by himself, wasn't falling asleep every five minutes, and he showed some mild interest in one of his toys.

But he still won't smile, and he's got a hacking cough that keeps him from wanting to eat still. So while I'm sure he's slowly getting better, he is by no means well. And my milk is going. Just picturing myself making him bottles for him, not sharing that connection for the next six months.....well, I'm about ready to cry right now. To some people its not a big deal. But to me, its the biggest loss of all.

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