The day I almost bought a digital camera

I consider myself to be fairly intelligent. But then most people feel that way about themselves. And most salesmen know it , too.

Joseph's birthday is coming up soon, and I wanted to get him something REALLY COOL. Not just a movie or a t-shirt, as is the usual birthday fare. Money is fairly tight most of the time, but I figured with our tax return coming soon, I could afford to splurge a little, especially for the 'Big Three- 0h'. Yes my husband will officially be a grown up this week.
So a few weekends ago, we were wandering around Wal-Mart. (Please disregard any previous blog regarding the evils of said superstore). Joseph took Elora to the toy section -more for his own amusment than for hers I'm sure- while I looked around for a suitable token of my love. There they were. Along the most well-traveled isle of the store were displayed the shiny new digital cameras. Small, large, silver, plastic, cheapish, and wildly expensive.
Now, I must admit I was initially drawn to the assortment of technological toys for my own selfish interest. Hey, we have a baby now. How else can we keep everyone up to date on her latest new hair growth or cute outfit? I couldn't help but think how useful such a device would have been on my previous blog about her pink bear suit.
"I would have recieved way more comments with such a cute picture to anchor my blog post," I thought whistfully.
Suddenly, a kindly looking grandpa salesman was leaning over the counter, watching my anxious dance back and forth in front of the cameras. (Anxious because of the many choices, not because I had to use the restroom.) Had he been a younger gentleman, or young lady, I may have been better at brushing him off, but the nice grandpa man got my attention with his twinkling eyes and grey moustache.
He asked what features I wanted. I told him it would be a gift for my husband but I didn't know if I should get a camera he'd be happy with or one that I would appreciate too. The salesman in him heard what I wasn't saying: "I think I know about cameras but I probably don't really, so you should try to sell me a more expensive choice. I'm an easy target."
Its true I took photography and was the darkroom operator at SUU, but our class had very little to do with the digital realm, and what little I knew of technical terms has already been leaking out of my memory bit by bit. Nevertheless, I kept up my knowledgable facade and smiled at the grandpa man.
Of course he advised me to get the better camera that I would be happy with myself, and he proceeded to show me why camera A was better than camera B, though camera C was also very popular. I pointed to the SLR film camera, and said, "I have a camera like that. It cost $400 when I bought it in 1997." See. I'm smart. My camera is expensive, so I must know a lot about photography.
The camera man smiled indulgently, and said he had one too. He told me the digital version of one of those cost around $900 or more. No thanks.
So even though I wasn't even sure I wanted to buy one, I felt really bad when the old man had been talking to me for about twenty minutes. So I chose one. I was buying a camera. But wait! That one is the only one thats out of stock! You can choose a cheaper one thats not nearly as good, or the next grade up that is probably out of your budget.
I was already nervous about the whole thing, but now I was feeling distressed. They don't have the one I deliberated over so carefully? He could tell I didn't really know anything, my intelligent facade had been broken! Quick, pick another one! You don't want to waste any more of his time!
(This was the side of me talking that doesn't want to annoy people... Don't waste their time, don't get in anyone's way at the grocery store, take your baby out of the room if she coughs too loud. When I start listening to this inner voice, it drives Joseph nuts, because now it applies to him too. I have to consciously restrain myself from moving him out of other peoples' way at the store. Anyway.)
So I picked out the slightly cheaper model that wasn't that great. He removed it from the case, and I asked if I really needed a memory card. Oh yes, that is essential. So he showed me which one I needed and he held that for me too. What about batteries? Oh, regular batteries aren't good at all, and these Lithium batteries won't last more than a few weeks. You want a battery charger.
I pointed at one of the batteries on display. "Thats the kind my camera uses." See grandpa man, I wasn't lying about owning a fancy camera!
Again, he smiled indulgently, as if amused by the babbling of one of his many grandchildren. "Yes, my camera uses those too."
So I had him show me the battery charger, and he removed it from the hook for me. I saw the many products now cradled in his arms, and I was worried. Did I even have that much money? Just then, I heard the voice that would save me.
"Waaaaaa! Wahahaha!"
"Tearese! Tearese, she's been crying for like twenty minutes. She wanted the toys I was showing her and when I took them away she cried really hard and spit up all over the floor in the toy section!"
There was Joseph, holding a tired baby and a very soiled burp cloth. He handed her to me and took off, not wanting to see whatever it was that I was buying for him..though I'm sure he did.
The salesman asked how old she was and commented on her cuteness, trying to reel me in again by appealing to my motherly pride. But it was too late. The spell had been broken, and now I had an excuse not to stay and purchase the wares of this wiley salesman.
"Um... you know, I think I might try back in a few weeks to see if you have that other camera in stock again. I'm reaaally sorry for wasting your time."
I bounced the baby in an obvious way, so he'd know it wasn't personal, and wouldn't go home and tell his wife about the annoying redhead he helped today.
"Oh, don't worry about it, its my job," he said. "It's just that much sooner that I get to go home."And now he had to put all that stuff away for me. Poor grandpa man.
As Joseph and I walked out into the dark parking lot that evening, I explained what had happened, and confessed he probably wouldn't get such a thing for his birthday this year.
But it really all turned out for the best because we needed the money for an unexpected bill.
I bet the salesman still went home and told his wife about me.

A week in the life of...

I’ve been doing some self-analyzing the last little while, and have come to a sad conclusion: I’ve become quite boring in my ‘old age’! My sister and others have encouraged me to update this blog, but I really can’t think of anything interesting I could write about. I haven’t gone on any romantic getaways with my husband, nor have I even been to the beach just a few miles away, due to the crummy weather. So what could I write about?

(me and my hubby in the Northwest)

I thought about writing on Elora’s cute Whiney the Poo outfit she got for Christmas. Its pink and fuzzy, and the hood has ears on it. We took her for a walk in it today, and motorists were smiling and waving at her. The only downsize was the pink fuzzies all over mine and Joseph’s clothes. But that’s not an interesting story, especially to people without kids, so I won’t mention it.

I could write on the interesting article I read yesterday, about Westerners’ misconceptions on the nature of Christianity. We often assume it is divided between Protestants and Catholics, when really, its about Western/Roman Catholic beginnings vs. Orthodox or Eastern Christians. In the article, an Egyptian Christian said he was tired of Westerners asking if his family was converted by English, French, or Germans. His family had been Christians since the first century AD, and were actually converted by Mark of the New Testament, over a millennia before most Europeans were Christian at all. But that has nothing to do with anything, so I can’t write about that either.

I thought about discussing that cool program I watched on PBS about Fractals, and perfect equations. They were showing how everything in nature could be created by a fractal equation, and they created an image of a tree before my very eyes. It was very exciting. Similarly, I could mention the Golden Mein, which is a theory taught in math, art, interior design, and countless other disciplines. (Joseph was learning about it in his math class yesterday). This concerns the idea that everything can be broken down into perfect thirds (or something like that), and there are natural examples from seashells to seeds, to even the human body. And while its all very scientific, I think it’s a blatant example of how God created everything with great care and logic. But, I couldn’t really write a whole blog about that stuff, because I'm not good at math. So never mind.

I haven’t done much professional art lately to speak of either. But I read a cool thing about a mural in Red Deer, Alberta Canada. Its in front of an art gallery, and was made to look like a real window with paintings inside. Not just any paintings, but famous pieces by such artists as Hopper, Sargent, Degas, and Cassat. Then brilliantly, the artist created tromp l’oeil windows above it (meaning they looked real) And another ‘store front’ window next door. Warnser probably would have appreciated a blog about that. But, I couldn’t find the accompanying picture online, just other works by the same artist. So theres no way that blog could get written.

(by artist Michael J. Downs)

So I guess tonight I will end up going to my Young Women’s activity (I am one of the leaders) and I won’t write a blog at all. There’s really nothing I can write about. Do you have any ideas, those of you with more exciting lives?

ONCE UPON A TIME

When Joseph and I were dating, we used to cut pictures out of magazines and write stories for each other using those images. I know this is a process with which some of you are very familiar.
Recently he made a silly little story using some photos my sister took at our wedding. So its kind of cheating because technically I didn't write this... but I thought I'd share it anyway.

Once Upon a Time...

Tearese and Joseph sat down one day to eat lunch.

But when Tearese looked in her lunchbox, she was shocked!

“What is THIS in my lunch?” She asked in slight fear, for she had never seen a purple squiggly in a box before!

“Oh,” said Joseph, “It’s probably something yummy for your sandwich.”
So, Tearese put it in her sandwich and began to eat.

But something wasn’t quite right...

Tearese turned to the person across the aisle and said, “I don’t think the purple squiggles are supposed to go in the sandwich.”

And she was right, but Joseph never heard the conversation, so he was happy to eat the squiggles.

Later, Tearese showed off how easily she could make Joseph do whatever she wanted him to do.

“See! He even lets me put his hand on this hot glass in front of the fireplace and he still smiles!”


Tearese’s family looked on at this in amazement. That is, except for Thain.

“That’s nothin’! Wait ‘til you see what Maryanne can make me do!” (Maryanne is Thain's girlfriend.) Thorin, who overheard this took in the whole situation and his brother’s words with a deep sense of awe and fear.

“Will I be like that too?” He wondered.

Meanwhile, Tearese and Joseph took advantage of the distraction and hid so that they could be alone.

“SHH!!!” Tearese whispered, “They’ll never find us here!”

“Do you think we can live forever here in this little bitty forest?” Joseph asked.

“No,” Tearese replied. “If my uncle moves, we’ll be stuck here forever or be tossed out on the streets.”

So Tearese and Joseph took off to Happily Ever After Land, just north of
Never-Never Land, and lived happily ever after.

The End

(it could have been a bit longer, and been more involved but I guess he was doing this at work! Hope you had fun.)

Many Happy Returns

First of all, I hate the idea of returning presents. Someone spent a great deal of thought (usually) and time trying to find you something they thought you would love. Even if I recieve a sweater with puff-paint and cute cuddly bears on it, I will at least wear it on one or two weekends when no one will see me, and I'd wait at least a year before taking it to D.I. (I hated that sweater, but hey, it was from my aunt, right?) Never would I just return it.
Nevertheless, I just spent two or more hours at our country's most popular mega-store, Wal-Mart, returning a pair of jeans that I recieved from my husband for Christmas. I felt it was justified because he was returning a sweater I bought him, and we vowed we were going to get the exact same thing, just in sizes more suitable to our body types. Unfortunately, the jeans I had did NOT come in Talls in any other size. Sure, all tall people must be a size eight, right?Or at least we must enjoy only tapered jeans that look incredibly awkward on tall people. Goodness knows, only short dumpy people wear a size 14, right? But I'll save that rant for another time. Fortunately, I found my size in another style that didn't look too bad on me.
Of course, Joseph's sweater was no longer being sold there either, and we had to settle for an alternative style. But all worked out in the end, because we came out $1.50 ahead.
Yay!
What I couldn't believe was the incredibly long line for the return counter, stretching back into the far reaches of the cavernous building. We had thought maybe if we waited a week, it might not be so daunting. And you know these people weren't returning things because they were the wrong size. Everyone's cart seemed as if it must be carrying all the presents they had recieved the week before, including stereo systems, cameras, clothes, movies, and everything else under the sun that Wal-Mart sells at a bargain price. I felt embarassed to be a part of that ungrateful crowd, but I kept reminding myself that our situation really was different, right? While I was there, I had the oportunity to muse over some of the truths that always surround a Wal-mart.

1. Why does everyone dress like white trash when they go to Wal-Mart? I always find myself thinking that of the other people walking past me, only to look down and jump in startlement when I realize I'm wearing sweatpants, a big shirt, no makeup, and my hair is either not done or in a pony tail.
2. Why is Wal-mart always crowded? No matter what town you're in, no matter what time of day, the parkinglot is always full, and the interior situation is somewhat akin to a large ant farm. Seriously, our store is a 24hr facility: Joseph has stopped by after work, at nearly midnight, and found the same claustrophobic conditions as one would find at noon on a Saturday.
3. The aisles are always too narrow. In trying to cram as many consumer goods as possible into the home of low prices, Wal-mart has left much to be desired in its decore. What ever happened to customer satisfaction...which, by the way, they were rated one of the lowest in the nation in that respect.
4. Why does everyone always talk about how evil Wal-Mart is, and yet these same people shop there? I admit I fit into this group. There are two Wal-marts within driving distance of us right now: one is a Super Wal-Mart and the other is open 24/7. We recently learned they are building a third store even closer to us within the year. My initial reaction was disgust at the monopolistic spread of the giant, yet I also mused on how much easier it will be to go grab some last minute things at the new store. I hang my head in shame.

(the true nature of the Wal-Mart smiley face?)

5. In relation to the aforementioned evils: why do people complain about the low wages Wal-mart employees get? Yes, I know all about the bum deal they have with low wages and bad benefits, but the truth of the matter is, a lot of the people who work at Wal-mart maybe couldn't get a job somewhere else, and are happy with what they have. And those that could work elsewhere, well, why don't they? I know its not that simple, but its something to think about.

6. Wal-mart puts other stores out of business. I definitely believe this. We used to always shop at K-mart before the Wal-mart came to my home town. The last time I ever went there, it was like a ghost town in comparison. And its gone now, isn't it? In bigger towns like the one I live in now I don't think its quite as big of a problem, but still. Where's the customer loyalty?

Anyway, I'm sure there are many more things I could say, but thats enough for now. Has anyone else noted anything that seems to always surround the legend that is Wal-mart?