ONCE UPON A TIME

When Joseph and I were dating, we used to cut pictures out of magazines and write stories for each other using those images. I know this is a process with which some of you are very familiar.
Recently he made a silly little story using some photos my sister took at our wedding. So its kind of cheating because technically I didn't write this... but I thought I'd share it anyway.

Once Upon a Time...

Tearese and Joseph sat down one day to eat lunch.

But when Tearese looked in her lunchbox, she was shocked!

“What is THIS in my lunch?” She asked in slight fear, for she had never seen a purple squiggly in a box before!

“Oh,” said Joseph, “It’s probably something yummy for your sandwich.”
So, Tearese put it in her sandwich and began to eat.

But something wasn’t quite right...

Tearese turned to the person across the aisle and said, “I don’t think the purple squiggles are supposed to go in the sandwich.”

And she was right, but Joseph never heard the conversation, so he was happy to eat the squiggles.

Later, Tearese showed off how easily she could make Joseph do whatever she wanted him to do.

“See! He even lets me put his hand on this hot glass in front of the fireplace and he still smiles!”


Tearese’s family looked on at this in amazement. That is, except for Thain.

“That’s nothin’! Wait ‘til you see what Maryanne can make me do!” (Maryanne is Thain's girlfriend.) Thorin, who overheard this took in the whole situation and his brother’s words with a deep sense of awe and fear.

“Will I be like that too?” He wondered.

Meanwhile, Tearese and Joseph took advantage of the distraction and hid so that they could be alone.

“SHH!!!” Tearese whispered, “They’ll never find us here!”

“Do you think we can live forever here in this little bitty forest?” Joseph asked.

“No,” Tearese replied. “If my uncle moves, we’ll be stuck here forever or be tossed out on the streets.”

So Tearese and Joseph took off to Happily Ever After Land, just north of
Never-Never Land, and lived happily ever after.

The End

(it could have been a bit longer, and been more involved but I guess he was doing this at work! Hope you had fun.)

Many Happy Returns

First of all, I hate the idea of returning presents. Someone spent a great deal of thought (usually) and time trying to find you something they thought you would love. Even if I recieve a sweater with puff-paint and cute cuddly bears on it, I will at least wear it on one or two weekends when no one will see me, and I'd wait at least a year before taking it to D.I. (I hated that sweater, but hey, it was from my aunt, right?) Never would I just return it.
Nevertheless, I just spent two or more hours at our country's most popular mega-store, Wal-Mart, returning a pair of jeans that I recieved from my husband for Christmas. I felt it was justified because he was returning a sweater I bought him, and we vowed we were going to get the exact same thing, just in sizes more suitable to our body types. Unfortunately, the jeans I had did NOT come in Talls in any other size. Sure, all tall people must be a size eight, right?Or at least we must enjoy only tapered jeans that look incredibly awkward on tall people. Goodness knows, only short dumpy people wear a size 14, right? But I'll save that rant for another time. Fortunately, I found my size in another style that didn't look too bad on me.
Of course, Joseph's sweater was no longer being sold there either, and we had to settle for an alternative style. But all worked out in the end, because we came out $1.50 ahead.
Yay!
What I couldn't believe was the incredibly long line for the return counter, stretching back into the far reaches of the cavernous building. We had thought maybe if we waited a week, it might not be so daunting. And you know these people weren't returning things because they were the wrong size. Everyone's cart seemed as if it must be carrying all the presents they had recieved the week before, including stereo systems, cameras, clothes, movies, and everything else under the sun that Wal-Mart sells at a bargain price. I felt embarassed to be a part of that ungrateful crowd, but I kept reminding myself that our situation really was different, right? While I was there, I had the oportunity to muse over some of the truths that always surround a Wal-mart.

1. Why does everyone dress like white trash when they go to Wal-Mart? I always find myself thinking that of the other people walking past me, only to look down and jump in startlement when I realize I'm wearing sweatpants, a big shirt, no makeup, and my hair is either not done or in a pony tail.
2. Why is Wal-mart always crowded? No matter what town you're in, no matter what time of day, the parkinglot is always full, and the interior situation is somewhat akin to a large ant farm. Seriously, our store is a 24hr facility: Joseph has stopped by after work, at nearly midnight, and found the same claustrophobic conditions as one would find at noon on a Saturday.
3. The aisles are always too narrow. In trying to cram as many consumer goods as possible into the home of low prices, Wal-mart has left much to be desired in its decore. What ever happened to customer satisfaction...which, by the way, they were rated one of the lowest in the nation in that respect.
4. Why does everyone always talk about how evil Wal-Mart is, and yet these same people shop there? I admit I fit into this group. There are two Wal-marts within driving distance of us right now: one is a Super Wal-Mart and the other is open 24/7. We recently learned they are building a third store even closer to us within the year. My initial reaction was disgust at the monopolistic spread of the giant, yet I also mused on how much easier it will be to go grab some last minute things at the new store. I hang my head in shame.

(the true nature of the Wal-Mart smiley face?)

5. In relation to the aforementioned evils: why do people complain about the low wages Wal-mart employees get? Yes, I know all about the bum deal they have with low wages and bad benefits, but the truth of the matter is, a lot of the people who work at Wal-mart maybe couldn't get a job somewhere else, and are happy with what they have. And those that could work elsewhere, well, why don't they? I know its not that simple, but its something to think about.

6. Wal-mart puts other stores out of business. I definitely believe this. We used to always shop at K-mart before the Wal-mart came to my home town. The last time I ever went there, it was like a ghost town in comparison. And its gone now, isn't it? In bigger towns like the one I live in now I don't think its quite as big of a problem, but still. Where's the customer loyalty?

Anyway, I'm sure there are many more things I could say, but thats enough for now. Has anyone else noted anything that seems to always surround the legend that is Wal-mart?

looking to the future

So I'm sitting here with a baby laying in my lap, and I just perused my youngest brother, Thorin's, "My Space" website.
My youngest brother. The one who was barely in middleschool when I moved away. The little boy with the runny nose that no one ever watched very closely. The one strangers would bring home because they found him crossing mainstreet by himself at the age of three. (My fault, yes, I was supposed to be watching him.)
I still picture Thorin as an obnoxious little boy, maybe not a dirty three-year-old, but at least someone who would steal stuff from my room and innocently claim that he thought it was his.
So I'm looking at his site, and reading about bands he likes, looking at pictures of friends that look way too old to be friends with my brother. They've got to be like seventeen! (Oh wait, he's almost seventeen.) Actually, I know some of them aren't his friends and he just put their pictures on there because he thought they were cool, but thats another story.
Sure he's the same boy. Just older, slightly more well rounded. He played a harmonica with a hobo in Salt Lake a few weeks ago, just for fun. He plays the guitar and the trumpet too, though I've never heard them. He's been in school plays, and sings in a choir. Oh, and he has dressed like a Sith for school-light-sabre and all- and he claims the freshmen thought he was really cool.
And I wonder, "When did Thorin become a real person?" Which brings me back to the little baby on my lap. Sure, now she's sweet (unless her diaper is full) and innocent (except of that spit-up on my leg) but who will she be in ten or fifteen years? Current trends seem to indicate, that someday little Elora will be a real person too.


Will she be more interesting than I was? Lets hope so. Will she be cooler than Thorin? Well, only if she knows more about Jedi mind tricks and intergalactic fashion than he does. Maybe cool isn't what we should be aiming for. Lets go for happy and well-liked.

100 Things

So, my sister and several of my friends have interesting blogs which I visit frequently. I have a tendency to write comments that are practically blogs themselves, so at my sister’s suggestion, I guess I should start one of my own. Her last entry listed 100 things about herself, so I suppose I’ll follow suit until I find more interesting topics to expound upon. Sorry, Kiera, if I steal some of yours! And sorry if this reminds anyone of one of those chain emails where you’re supposed to tell about yourself. Hope it’s not too boring.
But first, who can tell me what this is from (Kiera’s blog reminded me of it..):
“In third grade I cheated on my SRA exams, in fourth grade I stole my uncle Matt’s toupee and glued it on my face when I played Moses in my Hebrew school play; in fifth grade I knocked my sister Eidie down the stairs, and I blamed it on the dog!”

Presenting: The List

100. I just had my first baby, Elora Mae in October 2005. She gets cuter every day.
99. I am married to Joseph, and it’s a good thing or I wouldn’t be so keen on telling people about Elora.

98. My name is from a book called The Bloodstone, in which my character is a warrior princess. Cool, huh.
97. My sister was named from Olivia Newton John’s character in the movie Xanadu. (Sorry Kiera, I told you I’d copy you a little bit.)
96. Dain, Thain, and Thorin, my brothers, were all named from The Hobbit…after Dwarves.
95. When I look at toilet paper dispensers, I often think of my parents. Probably because they’re usually made by the KimberlyClark company.
94. I was an art major in college and am still very interested in observing art in the world and creating for myself, but I really don’t care to earn acclaim or money off of it. In fact, the whole idea just stresses me out.
93.I am an introvert, but have learned to disguise it pretty well.
92. I graduated Magna Cum Laude from college almost six years ago, but have little to show for it but bragging rights.
91. My husband just started college and probably has six years to go!
90.My favorite color is blue, but I like to wear orange, brown, and green as well.
89. I love sky blue but hate turquoise, love forest green but hate (wearing) Kelly green, and have been told it’s impossible to buy things for me because the colors I like and dislike are too similar. Hey, art major here!
88.I’m very picky.
87. I sang in the Seattle Institute Choir for two years, but am very self-conscious about my singing voice.
86. I can’t really sing on my own, but I know some alto parts now, due to experience #87.
85. I had a college reading level in fifth grade, but you can’t really go up from there…so technically, I have the same reading level that I did at age ten.
86. I got a 36 in reading on the ACT test.. well, 35 the second time.
85. My math score (which I won’t mention) skewed my total score and made the previous fact irrelevant.
84.I am 5’9”, which makes people think I’m skinnier than I really am.
83. I’ve read the Lord of the Rings 9 ½ times, but the last time was six years ago and I quit in the middle because I was busy. Besides, I think I knew how it ended.
82. I’m a habitual teachers pet.
81.(Speaking of pets) I’ve owned two turtles: Mr. Turtleman, and Gollum.. one was Kiera’s that I took from her in high school , the other now resides with her in Texas. How the wheel turns.

80.I still listen to cassette tapes and CDs, and refuse to buy an i-pod. This was very puzzling to people I worked with, who are hypnotized by the media’s insistence to buy new things now.
79.My favorite tv show is Lost, as it’s the first intelligent but not completely morally corrupt show on in quite a while.
78. I watch way more t.v. since I had a baby, but try to keep it to a minimum. No daytime tv…bleahck!
77. We have an antenna instead of satellite or cable, which really helps with #78
76. I like Harry Potter: books more than movies, and movie three better than movie four.

75. I have a CD by a band called “Harry and the Potters” whom I heard perform at the college bookstore.
74.My favorite songs on it are: The Missing Arm of Victor Krum, and They Call Him the Weasel, which is about Ron Weasley.
73.I have subscriptions to The Artists Magazine, American Baby (which is free) and the Church magazines.
72. Joseph has had subscriptions to Popular Science and Scientific American, which I also like to read on occasion.
71. I like the Smithsonian, but don’t want to pay for another subscription. It has History, Art, Science, and Sociology, and I always feel like I used my time well when I read it.
70. I believe red or auburn is the best hair color, for obvious reasons.
69. I don’t understand why sixty-nine has the bad meanings it does…for anyone who knows what I’m talking about, would you like to explain?(e-mail me)
68. B ill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, as in the soundtrack, is the most hard-rock type music I own.
67. The soundtrack to Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind is the most foreign album I own. (All the writing is in Japanese).
66. I love orange juice, especially with chocolate. Mmm.
65. But I also like apples with Oreo cookies. They clean off your teeth as you eat, and balance out the sweetness.
64. My husband is the only person I went out with more than once. (That’s how you know its true love, right?)
63.Almost every date I’d been on before him, I didn’t really want to go.
62. I love the zoo (like Kiera) but always feel guilty for patronizing places that have captive animals.
61. I have no debt, but also have no money!
60.I love big dogs, but don’t want to own one.
59.Butterflies remind me of my grandma

58. Slugs remind me of my husband.. but not in a bad way.
57.I broke my collar bone in second grade when I fell from the parallel bars.
56.Durring recess in elementary school, I was content to sit in the middle of the field and watch everyone else play. I’m pretty sure my teachers thought something was wrong with me.
55.I still like to just sit and observe people.
54 My husband says I’m voyeuristic because I always want to look in everyone’s apartment windows when we go walking or driving. Really, I just want to see what everyone else’s home looks like, and how they decorate.
53. I am adamant about closing the curtains when it gets dark. Who knows who is out there looking in people’s windows!
52.I don’t like to take medicine, and think its pushed too much in America.
51.I believe doctors are just guessing most of the time.
50.I hate getting my hair wet, it takes too much effort to fix afterwards.
49.I eat while I’m nursing my baby…and I ALWAYS find pieces of food on her afterwards. She has cherry cordial from a chocolate in her hair right now.
48.I’ll wash it out later.
47.I don’t hate anybody, but I can think of people whom I would rather not be around.
46. A girl in my sixth grade class slapped me for saying her name wrong, and later accused me of being a lesbian in front of a bunch of people. She fits in the category mentioned in #47
45.I think I don’t like math because the boys in my middle school math classes used to harass me, and the teacher didn’t stop them. Jerks!
44.I love the Northwest in the summer.
43. I miss Utah in the winter.
42.I used to make little caves in the snow, so that if birds got cold they could go in there to get warm. You know, like an igloo!
41 I used to purposely leave tracks in the snow and then hide and watch for a minute to see if any kidnappers were following me.
40. If someone ever broke into my house and tried to kill everyone, my plan was to take one of my dad’s swords off the wall and wait behind a door to stab them….. or go outside and hide at the top of the tree until they left.
39.My sister and I used to worry that our dad would go crazy and kill us all.
38. I used to be scared of the part in Peewee’s Big Adventure where the truck driver lady turned all claymation and did a scary face. Now I think its funny.
37.I loved AP English class in high school.
36. I actually liked analyzing the poems for meaning and iambic pentameter.
35.I was the teacher’s aide for the photography and art-history classes in college, and those are still my two favorite jobs I’ve had.
34.I like grading papers, but don’t want to be a teacher.
33. I’ve been a telemarketer, and have sympathy for them. I get angry when people tell me how they stuck it to a telemarketer. They’re just doing their job!
32. I will NEVER have that job again.
31.I once gave surveys about Honey-baked ham, and people were actually excited to participate.
30.I don’t think I’ve ever eaten Honey-baked ham
29.I used to eat 100 penny candies every day, then have pop-tarts and granola bars for a snack, while in college.
28. I’ve learned too much sugar can make you sick.
27. Although I ate a box of chocolates for lunch today.
26.My husband always beats me at the game Connect Four
25. But I always win at checkers. That’s why he won’t play it anymore.
24.I loved watching He-Man and Voltron as a kid
23. My most vivid nightmare involved Skeletor and Evilyn
22.I hated She-ra and Jem, but watched them because my sister liked them.
21.I used to have a pink bike with a padded banana seat. I thought it was cool until kids made fun of me.
20As a kid, I would wear my swimming suit all day and ride my bike around like that.
19.I think all of my siblings are pretty cool, in different ways.
18.In middleschool, I planned on being a novelist. But I’d always get bored after about five pages and never finished anything…unless the teacher was going to read it to the class, then I’d try harder.
17. Then I decided I’d just draw the book covers. Until I realized most book covers have really horrible art; now I critique them and am generally not impressed.
16..My favorite pen is the Pilot G-2. It’s the only nice pen that continues to work even though I hold it incorrectly. I use it for my journal.
15. I’ve never felt the need to exercise. When I was done with high school PE, I thought I was free of it
14. Now I’ve had a baby and I’m not quite sure how to go about getting back into shape. I still don’t want to exercise.
13.I eat way more fast food now than I did growing up. My husband eats way less.
12. I hate cooking; it takes too much time and makes a mess. I’d rather just go hungry than cook something.
11.I love sitting in the sun. I like to find whichever room has the most sun, and just sit on the floor in the beam, doing nothing.
10.I like riding the bus in Seattle. Lots of people hate public transit, but I loved it. Mostly because of my people-watching thing (see #55).
9. I don’t like to drive on the freeway. In fact, I haven’t done so since probably 2001, and that was only through Idaho in the middle of the night. (We were going from Seattle to Arizona for a funeral.)
8. I’m scared to death of our car breaking down somewhere in heavy traffic…probably because growing up our cars always broke down when we were on vacation.
7.I got my license at 16 but didn’t drive again until 18, because I had no confidence in my driving skills but didn’t want my parents driving me to college events.
6.I love fall leaves, and the last two years have started a tradition of pressing them then hanging them in my home.
5. I love taking pictures of nature, but my photos never turn out as good as I think they will.
4. I always say I hate digital cameras, but now I think I want one. I’m still trying to work that out in my head.
3. I miss my friends and family, but don’t want to move back home.
2. I’m wearing grey sweatpants…the ones that show my ankles.
1. I’ve worn contacts for almost five years.

So, it may not have been exciting, but I hope everyone had fun getting to know me a little better!